Colchester 1 - Pools 1

AS I SEEN IT

ALAN ESSEX sees two teams going through the motions

Colchester v Pools, 6th April 2012

It was very tempting to begin writing this a day or two before the actual game. Colchester having drawn 6 of their previous games and Pools scoring just once in their last 6 games. So a definite 0-0 draw, easy, just embellish the report with some local colour and a few rumours, job done.

And so, as has become customary in some circles I shall start with the rumours: courtesy of Wallis and Gromit came the news that Luke James is going to Newcastle in exchange for Andy Carroll plus cash.

As for the local colour, well there isn’t much. For those of you not familiar with the ‘Weston Homes Community Stadium’, it is an out of town, 3-year-old stadium. As such it is functional but with a capacity of a little over 10,000 it lacked atmosphere with under 4,000 there today. It was no doubt planned when Colchester had a brief spell in the Championship but this extravagant lifestyle could never be sustained and in League 1 it looks like a waste of space. We can probably all think of another similar example.

The ground itself is built on the land that belonged to Severalls Mental Asylum. Cuckoo Farm was part of the asylum and was set up to provide food for the ‘residents’ and give them employment. The asylum dates back to 1913 and in those days people could be locked up for being ‘just a bit strange’. Just imagine that, being locked up without a fair trial or ‘closed door trials’. Glad we don’t live in such times.

Okay, that’s the end of the party political broadcast.

As for the game, well it was quite dreadful, two mid table sides playing out the last few games of the season. To be honest I expected more from Colchester, they usually have a flair player or two in their line up. This year they didn’t even start with giant forwards who they could hit high balls to – this being a trade mark of theirs for a few years now. It took Pools 10 minutes to work out that Colchester were actually very poor (other adjectives are available) before we gained the confidence to start knocking the ball around in triangles. It all looked fancy but neither team had a shot on or off target. With no threat from the wings Austin and Horwood especially, were involved in working the ball up the pitch. It was Horwood who had a great run from well inside his own half and then providing a perfect cross for Sweeney to head in. It really looked that simple and a couple of minutes later some good work by Liddle was just beyond Noble."As for the game, well it was quite dreadful, two mid table sides playing out the last few games of the season.
"

It was puzzling to hear Michael Rose the Colchester full back and a target of ours a couple of years ago being booed every time he got the ball – more surprising as he was probably their best player on the day. And to prove the point it was Rose who came closest to scoring for Colchester from a free kick a few yards outside of the penalty area, being denied by a good save from Flinders diving to his right and turning the ball behind for a corner.

Ritchie Humphreys was having a good game involved at both ends of the pitch and our most creative player. The first half ended with Pools controlling the game but without another goal, from either team, looking likely.

There were queues at half time for food and drink but it was bad with queues remaining as the game restarted. I know several people who didn’t bother waiting and obviously resulted in a loss of revenue and hungry / thirsty supporters.

Pools started the second half at a good pace but soon began to relax and Colchester who had brought on 2 substitutes at half time began to get back into the game. Odejayi especially looked much better than Gillespie who he had replaced, however there was still no real threat on Flinders goal.
The Pools threat at the other end was looking less and less likely to bother the Colchester keeper. I’d heard some rave reviews about Noble and was expecting more from him. He had started the game with a lot of running and chasing but rarely had the ball, when he did get it his distribution was poor as was his reading of the game. I don’t remember him having a shot on goal. How many times have we seen players that have started their Pools career like an express train and ended it like a privatised goods train a few games later? Another Roy O’Donovan he is not, more Michael Mackay. Unless this was an off day, definitely not worth persevering with. Cooper must have thought the same as he was replaced by Luke James with 15 minutes to go. James was an instant improvement but by that time Pools were playing too deep and comfortable with their lead to offer an attacking option. It was just like watching Pools under Mick Wadsworth.
Unfortunately playing this way always leaves us open to a freak chance or refereeing indiscretion. And so it was to be – a penalty awarded against Paul Murray. As this happened at the other end of the pitch to us I couldn’t honestly say if it were justified or not but Murray does have a habit of misjudging challenges at times and as this was definitely in the box (as opposed to last seasons ridiculous decision which was right in front of me and definitely outside of the area) a penalty was awarded. Freddie Sears, on loan from West Ham and up until then quite anonymous, scored from the spot.

With 10 minutes to go the match finally came to life – no only joking. The pace lifted but the quality remained the same with neither team looking like getting a winner.

Overall Pools were the better side and as I’ve said Colchester looked dire. I believe Colchester will face financial constraints next season and players will be offered less attractive contracts which may force some to leave and de-motivate others. On this showing they will be lucky to survive in this division.

For Pools the back four looked strong with little or no threat from the wings allowing Austin and Horwood greater freedom to get forward. Horwood was my man of the match. Sam Collins and Jack Baldwin looked sound at the back even when Odejayi came on. It was a nice touch Jack Baldwin’s family coming along to the game from Kent and having a family reunion after the final whistle. We were sat with them and they are a nice close knit family.

Disappointments for me were Noble and Monkhouse but that’s because he’s shaved his beard off and the fact he never takes a player on any more, maybe that’s how he’s been told how to play?

If we are going to persevere with a lone striker I think someone like Lomana Lua Lua (who started his professional career at Colchester) would be a good bet, especially if Blackpool release him at the end of the season.

Pools 0 - Oldham 1

AS I SEEN IT

A return to losing ways, seen by RUNNING MONKEY

After Saturday I was confident we would get to grips with this football malarkey and start playing like we were in it to the finish, not just making up the numbers.

I decided after Saturday to discard all my ‘MOJO SUFF’ as it was not working. So I discarded my odd socks, my 'never say die' posing pouch and my lucky H'Angus Frisbee and my blue and white painted wooden rattle as we have not had a goal to cheer in ages. But there is always a but; just before the game I learned that we had signed a striker of striking ability. Hearing this news I was tempted to dig my lucky odd socks out of the bin and stuff my pockets with the mojo stuff again but decided the only reason we had signed a “striker” was because I had dumped all that stuff.

So feeling quite naked it was off to the game. Sure enough picks up my team sheet and there is a forward line of potential strikers. Andy Monkhouse James Poole and Ryan Noble from Sunderland. "This is it" I thought - back to the free scoring days of, I can’t remember when. Oldham is a club on quicksand and would have little appetite for a Tuesday night game on the steppes of the wild rugged northeast coast. How wrong can one man be, it is like a drug HUFC, they draw you in with promises of glory and then slap you with a damp cloth to wake you out of your state of bliss.

Within eight minutes we were a goal down from another set piece where we failed miserably to defend properly. The ball forced over the line by a lumbering centre back that did nothing else fro the rest of the game. It is disappointing to see such goals against what most of us would have judged as inferior opposition. How many times have we seen really crap teams come to the Vic this season and turn us over?

Poolies know long before anyone else that the game is over for us and it would become a boring drudge for the next ninety-one minutes, and they know how to fill their time in waiting for the anti climax. There was a good clear view of Saturn and Jupiter over the Millhouse stand and two seagulls fighting over a plastic Sainsbury bag was hilarious. We were amazed at the fact that any Poolies shopped in Sainsbury’s. We waited with bated breath for the half time lottery numbers, as the confetti shower in the town end always looks great.

To be fair we did create a little more in the first half as Noble was lively and had a couple of runs into the box. Poole, who still is not as sharp as he should be, struggled to get free and Sweeney had a chance from a Horwood cross that went right through the box without anyone getting near to it.

"We waited with bated breath for the half time lottery numbers, as the confetti shower in the town end always looks great."

All the good stuff out of the way and we were into the second half, with raised expectations as we were kicking down bank this half and we should have the edge. We did step it up a bit early in the second half and Murray Poole and Noble trying their luck at a packed defence. Hartley came closer than anyone but his close range shot was blocked on the line with the keeper beat. It is a pleasant change to see a striker run at the opposition with as much purpose as shown by Noble; he was unlucky after charging through two defenders and whipping the ball across the goal, past the keeper, but inches wide of the goal.

OK we won the second half on chances but having lost the game in the first ten minutes it was a bit of a let down. I think on today’s showing Noble could be the answer and with Nish out for the season the new strike force will have to lift their game. The announcement of Monky being M O M brought cries of derision from the town end, as it was not one of his best games.

Pools 1 - MK Dons 1

AS I SEEN IT

RUNNING MONKEY sees the Franchise Club

I know I should be more respectful of a fellow league team but something’s just stick in your craw and after all they did get in the league under false pretences.

On top of that they invariably beat us and because of their home support are one of the wealthier clubs in the division. But I say anyone can get debt but not everyone can pay it back. Suffice to say I am not a fan of MK Dons. Today we had the added bonus to our list of dislikes when the team sheet had not only the name Dean Lewington but also the ex L***s player Alan Smith on loan from the Toon. 

I spoke to Billy Reed on coming into the Vic and he told me he had been chatting with the ref for the day Mr A. Haines, who I thought was a TV comedian of yesteryear, who told him that the Dons had not brought enough players and had two injuries in the warm up so had to put a sixteen year old on the bench. 

 On the way to the ground today I listened to Brian Arrundale on Tees and he was reviewing the week and his comment on the farce of last Saturday brought a glimmer of a smile. He said “I started off listening to the Wycombe game sitting on the couch, by the end I was behind the couch." He did praise the team for their comeback against Bury and thought today we would have a hard game but he was going for a draw. My guess is that would have been the wish of most Poolies today; looking at the team sheet we looked strong enough, with Brownie and Poole up front and the new loan player Sammy Adjei from the Toon on the bench.

One of the quotes from Mr Arrundale on Cooper in the dressing room was “You are the home team do not let the visitors boss you around.” This looked to be true in the very early stages as Horwood sent in a great cross on his first run but it was headed clear. His second cross after a foul on Brownie was cleared and Hartley hit a long shot over the bar. MK were fast on the break and played some great approach play leaving some of the Pools lads standing watching and at time they caused panic around the box with some good off the ball running and some slick one touch football. 

Aussie made a great block and Ned was off the blocks smartish to punch a cross from Luke Chadwick clear. The midfield for Pools were giving the ball up too easily. RH in particular was having a mare as the visitors pressed in numbers. Murray for me was the star man today, always ready to jump in and break up any threat, but he was fighting a lone battle, and it proves how much we miss Lidds in the middle. If only we had another Murray who could play a bit higher and distribute some clean balls, we would be world beaters - to see the ball getting wellied or headed aimlessly up the field and coming straight back is disheartening. 

On one incident where RH was crowded out and off the ball, Chadwick raced through and blasted a shot that hit the left post and was eventually cleared by Hartley, who, in my opinion, should lead the team on the pitch next season.On the next attack there was a scream for a penalty as Powell the ex-Darlo forward did a triple somersault with pike in the box after a Hartley challenge, but old Arthur Haines just waved play on, rightly so. About five minutes after this event in a pause in play the whole MK team surrounded Mr Haines in Italian style badgering and gesturing that he should have blown for a Pelanty (Someone tell Waddle it is PENALTY.)

"On the next attack there was a scream for a penalty as Powell the ex-Darlo forward did a triple somersault with pike in the box after a Hartley challenge."

MK were a slick team playing some high tempo football and we struggled to keep up, and it was all hands to the pumps at times as they pinned us back for long periods, and it was only our good luck and their poor finishing that let them down. My mate Ken and I were discussing the half as it neared its end and both agreed to go in all square after the battering we took would be a bonus, just as Sam was making a forced back header to Ned, who obviously had not called out to Sam and was left grasping for a ball in danger of going past him and over the line. With this being a family show I will not repeat what Sam called him.

Another chop on Brownie brought us a free kick just wide right of their box twenty yards out. Murray took the kick and floated a ball to the back post where Monky rose and headed it down to the waiting Poole and we were one nil up with a few minutes to half time. Not to be outdone, RH sent in a screamer that the keeper palmed away for a corner.

Half time chat was as expected, a “thoroughly deserved lead” and if you believe that then I am a monkey’s uncle. On the turn around you always feel more comfortable kicking the right way and you feel you can participate in the battle when hammering at the town end goal. Well that is my opinion. 

There was a number twenty two on the visitors team that was not on the team sheet so I take him to be a ringer but he was probably the best player on the park. He strolled with ease and just glided past some tackles and was at the heart of most of the play for the Dons. 

The goal for the Dons was after another nothing tackle where a Dons player cuddles the grass for no apparent reason other than a Pools player running past him and the whistle is blown, despite us upping our game and making a contest of it the opposition and the ref seemed to think it was an unfair contest and he blew more and more every time they laid down. This is annoying and farcical, and I only wish for once we could ever benefit on a level field with teams who seem to revel in this type of play. The free kick was duly taken and a goal resulted; poor defending at the back was again the problem. Baldwin was brought on to bolster the defence in place of RH. 

 Sweeney was doing better down the Millhouse side and a cross found Hartley whose header was scrambled away. At the other end it looked as if Chadwick who, despite his years, still looks a good player seemed to hit both posts with his effort with Ned beat. A drag back on Murray gave us a chance to get back in to them but Brownie shot over the bar. 

A lot of footballers come down from their lofty perches, seem to ignore referees, and in fact put some of them right on their handling of the game. Alan Smith went too far today with his gob after an awful tackle on Baldwin, who should be commended for his calm approach to the incident. No histrionics, no trying to get the man booked, just wanted to get on with the game. Smith talked himself into the book but it mystifies me why refs put up with this stuff. Even after he was booked he was still trying to tell the ref where he was going wrong. Why do they just not send them straight off for back chat then they might come to their senses? 

Both the new boy Adjei and Boydie were brought on for Poole and Brownie. Neither of them made a great deal of difference in this game. Adjei looked good until he went down with what is reported to be a hamstring problem which looks ominous as he has had a long lay off with the same injury, and goes out the first game back. Lets hope we are wrong and he learns the Horwood Lazarus trick.

So at the start of the game someone said we only need ten men to beat this lot and that is what we ended up with. Boydie made one useful contribution: a flick on for Sweeney, who, running in, hit his shot wide of the mark. A hard fought point was probably more than we deserved on the balance of play but we did rally in the second half so I will take that. 

MK did bring on their young sub who was sixteen, and some said he had to get changed in a cupboard as he was not old enough to be with grown men. And calls from the town end of  “does your mother know you are out?” did not faze the kid, and he dived as well as his senior counterparts when the time come.

Pools 3 - Notts County 0

AS I SEEN IT

RUNNING MONKEY sees another fine home win

Someone told me today that the meetings between Neale Cooper and Mad dog Martin Allen were 4-1 in favour of Allen and one cup draw. So today we had to put that right especially after the robbery at Deepdale. As I was collecting my team sheet from reception I was told by someone in the know that today’s referee Mr. Langford had pierced nipples. Only another ref would know that, wouldn’t he! 

A windy but dry day looked like it might be a slog up field kind of game, but as it turned out the cross wind blew most of the long balls out of sight. Once again we had all of the elite clubs sending their scouts to the Vic hoping to glimpse young Luke James; the scout count for today was twenty-one, and they were not disappointed.

Luke was off like a rat up a drain at the kick off chasing everything down and through his harrying won the first corner of the game. Horwood’s cross rebounded to Murray who shot wide of the mark. Liddle made a good block in the Pools box at the other end. Monky won a good header that set up James who shot wide. Aussie was next up giving Brownie a chance but he headed his effort over the bar.


Evan Horwood is often magnificent and at the same time tends to over-hit his crosses, but today he was right on blob as he sent in a pearler that Sweeney, almost having a free header, sent like a thunder bolt into the back of the net for Pools to go one up. Allen had obviously done his homework and James was man-marked all over the pitch and battered to the ground every time the opportunity arose. Obviously the nipple-pierced ref has no idea on motherhood and even less on child abuse as the kid was given the treatment by a lumbering centre half. Brownie also came in for special treatment but we expect that from Martin Allen sides. 


Pools have always been a soft touch and tried to rely on their skill rather than their lack of brawn to win games. Sadly at times today it looked more like a wrestling match than a footy game. After the break they came at us as expected but Murray, for me this weeks MOM despite Sweeney getting it for his goals,  once again stood his ground stepped in and robbed them of the ball and every time made good use of it.


 It helps when you have two pacy forwards. The pace of Luke James won another corner for Pools and these days we have been winning some of the dead ball situations and Sam won the header but it was weak, straight at the keeper. Pools were playing even better football the second half as Notts were looking ragged under the pressure, and the second goal came after some sustained pressure from Pools. I was being a bit critical of Monky who looked short of pace and was giving the ball away quite a bit but one he sent through for Aussie to run onto was a clever ball, and the full back, who is playing well and loves to get forward, set up Sweeney for his brace with Brownie lurking just behind him waiting to pounce. A far cry from a few weeks ago when the same players looked as if they were dumping the ball.

"Allen had obviously done his homework and James was man-marked all over the pitch and battered to the ground every time the opportunity arose."

Being two down and, although we did not know it at the time, trying to save his job, Allen threw on all three subs but to be honest the players he took off were far better, and a couple of prima donnas that flapped their arms like windmills every time a decision went against them did not help the manager's cause. I do not know the extent of Lidds' injury, but when players who are getting beat in a game resort to that type of tackle you just cannot excuse it with a lame statement about frustration or his mother left him when he was a child. This was a criminal act and the video will prove it. Bishop, the Stockton-born player, was ruthless in his assassination of one of our players and a simple yellow card only condones that type of play. Mr. Pierced Nipples chickened out of his duty so I think he should be exposed, and I will write to my MP to ask a question in the house why men who piece their nipples should be allowed in the Vic.


Luke James, again making a mockery of his tender age, was a giant today; battered all through the game he kept getting back up for more and his run down the wing, jinking and diving, resulted in a low cross into the box which Monky smashed home to make it three nil to the Hartlepool. This is what the fans have been waiting for, for the past four seasons, a chance to compete with other teams in the division and we now have the team to do that. And with the addition of Ryan Noble of the Mackems, reported to be joining us, it could become even better. This was a great team performance and it is always good to turn a Martin Allen team over, as we don’t often do. The balance of the side looks good but it looks like the end of the road for the Boyd, reported to be going to Plymouth, and you can’t get any further way from the Manor than that.

One incident which was curious and became curiouser - the Notts keeper suddenly went down in the box clutching his head, intimating to the officials he had been hit with an object thrown onto the pitch. I have no idea if he did find an object but then there was something thrown on at the ref's feet which he did pick up while he was booking some player, at the same time bringing subs on. There was a plastic bottle in the goal but we understood that it was the keeper’s refreshments. Apparently the keeper had blasted a ball into the crowd in frustration, hit someone and knocked him out. This was reported to the police and the theory was he was covering up for his own misdemeanor. The keeper then went to the post ready to take a goal kick and bumped his head on the post, walked a few yards then dropped to his knees. Curious? You bet it was. All might be revealed if the video was on. A chant of ,get them out, went up from the Town End with angry fingers being pointed, but that was for the incident the ref did see.

Pools 2 - Rochdale 0

AS I SEEN IT

RUNNING MONKEY finally sees the end of the run of home defeats

I said at the start of today that it would be a desperate situation if Pools went ten games at home without a win it would be a real showing up. Even more than the past nine, double figures are serious. Especially when another bottom-rung team were the visitors, and match number 13 at home added that little more spice, despite them playing two quality loan players in Ormerod and Bogdanovic from Blackpool. Not sure about Bogdan but Ormerod had destroyed us in the past but he is thirty-five now. As it turned out Bogdan was more of a threat.

I was surprised at the changes made by Neale Cooper - on current form Sweeney and Austin still in and Sam replacing Humps; Boyd and Luscombe both victims of the last stand. We looked a little light upfront with the youngster Luke James supported by Sweeney who does not function properly down the wing; he is far more effective through the middle.

I was confident that Dale manager Chris Beech, the ex Poolie, was bound to do us a favour today. The opening ten minutes was a bit scrappy but Pools were already looking a lot better then the previous weeks. Young Luke James is a breath of fresh air in this side, at such a tender age of just seventeen the kid has all the tricks and pace to make him a star and not just at our level. He jinks and turns so quick the Dale centre half spent all game trying to smother him just to slow him down; he won us loads of free kicks. He can run with the ball he can cross a ball and he can strike a ball - all the attributes we have lacked in recent games. Pools were for once holding their own and looked impressive going forward.

Although playing well, the one thing still lacking was that killer instinct from someone up front to put the ball away. Monky went close on a couple of occasions, but I get the impression he is stuck up front and has not adjusted. Cooper commented on him when he first came, a big lad with good feet, which we know, but never a striker.

We were creating chances something else that has been lacking and James was the instigator of most of them. His running and passing, taking men on down the line was a dream to watch, and there was plenty of product at the end of the run. Monky, Baldwin, Hartley, Liddle all going close from James efforts. How long is it since we could report that, and this was just the first half. "some of the strikers sitting out want to have a good look at this lad's approach because if he can keep this up they will be sat out a long time"

James himself was attacking continuously and some of the strikers sitting out want to have a good look at this lad's approach because if he can keep this up they will be sat out a long time.

James taking all the corners was spot on with his delivery, how many times in a report have I said we wasted possession time after time through poor delivery of dead ball situations and this “KID” comes on and shows them how it should be done.

Monky connected with a James corner at the end of the half but he effort was cleared on the line by a defender. Someone asked me at half time, how long is it since Pools were not getting beat at half time. I had no idea but I was feeling confident about the second half. James won us another free kick on the edge of the box at the start, and an Aussie free kick rebounded to Murray who snatched his shot wide.

Dale were looking dangerous on the break and Pools in the past often succumbed to early pressure but the defending had certainly tightened up to what had been served up in the previous home games. Cooper had done a great job this week because we are now a team and fighting for each other and the difference was fantastic to watch. We were not scared of holding the ball which is what we saw a lot of especially at home - a confident team looking to break and doing just that.

Brownie came on and instantly set about the Dale defenders, dragging players out wide and he was the one that benefitted from the great cross from James, rising with the huddle and nodding the ball down for a “GOAL” yes G O A L to Pools, AT HOME TOO. Poolies chanting "We are winning at home, you must be ****!"

Remember Max Boyce the Welsh rugger comedian whose catch phrase was “I know because I was there”? Well I had a Max Boyce moment today seeing one of the best goals I can remember at the Vic: a seventeen year old kid picked up the ball on the outside of the box jinked and turned and hit the sweetest shot you will ever see into the top far corner giving the keeper no chance whatsoever. It was reminiscent of the "MAIDENS" goal and the "FOLEY" goal but better. Turns out this kid now holds the record for the youngest ever player to score a goal for Pools beating Icey’s record.

Two - nil to the Hartlepool. A fully deserved three points and hopefully a springboard to lift the side out of the home form malaise we have had to endure. One man and his boy made it possible.

Welcome back the messiah.